Who am I?
Where am I going?
Why does the river flow
Against me when I'm rowing?
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What is your first thought when you wake up in the morning? Is it a feeling of elation? A sense of dread? A sinking heaviness weighed down by the realization that maybe nothing worthwhile is gonna happen today? A yawning thought that it’s going to be "another" day of the week just like "any other" day of the week? The only difference between them being a "y" which most of us, by nature, fear asking. Why? Cuz its assumed to be a question in vain. Cuz "hey… this is how everyone lives. Who am I to have it any different?"
There you are! You just asked the question.. "Who am I to have it any....? " No. Just the first 3 words: "Who am I?"
Now there is a question worth asking. Much more important than the legendary "to be or not to be". Ok. So you might think it’s a crazy thing to ask yourself at a time of the day when you are more likely to be deciding whether to pee or not to pee.
But there I was that morning (a few weeks ago), like many other mornings, lying in bed and asking myself this very question. "Who am I? And where am I going?” Pondering about the meaning of it all. Why... Why.. Why...
I spent a few quiet minutes in this state of impending dawn of reason and realization. It never came. So I droned a request: "tow your boat away mind. I just awoke- so be kind". Nah… if only the mind was like one of those smart family dogs. It would listen to me, roll over and play dead. I would have it easy then... if only...
I lick my tooth paste and pick the morning newspaper and read it as I brush my teeth of many years. As usual, I start with the comic strips... Calvin & Hobbes is a favorite, as is Peanuts... just as I finish guffawing through the bubbles in my mouth I happen to glance at the daily horoscope right underneath Calvin's brainy head in the strip.
PISCES: ".......you may feel more successful than usual, and the confidence you gain as a result can serve as the inspiration that drives you to reconsider your current path."
“…. reconsider your current path" . Don’t know why I re-read those words. I don't believe in horoscopes
I turned to the main pages of the paper. Bah! As expected: Same news, different people; same stories; different twists, same endings. Why do I even bother reading them? There is a reason ain't there? It’s because we all want to know what happened. But more importantly.. What happened to whom? The people who manage to find themselves in the newspapers have to be somebody, having done something in their lives - good or bad.
With a bored sigh I turned to page 2 & 3... spreading it out like a baby albatross and pored over the writings... that’s when I came across a couple of news clippings that caught my attention.
One was about a 7 year old boy who had died in a wall collapse right next to his home. He was playing with his older brother near a house under construction when the walls came tumbling down (I could hear Def Leppard singing in my mind as I read these words). The poor child was crushed.
Another was about a 4 year old who had fallen into an uncovered borewell in a field where he had wandered off after lunch. After struggling for more than 48 hours, he died alone and scared - 72 feet inside the earth. They brought him out lifeless only to bury him again.
The brush in my mouth stopped moving. My eyes stared for sometime at the words without actually reading them. Cuz my mind had refocused onto something else. An answer. Now, these were not somebody who did something in their lives, cut short so cruelly. They were part of the world yesterday but now they are a piece of news- part of the newspaper archives. Here were 2 lives that were snuffed out before they started to live. Cruel intentions from someplace above? Ill fate? Destiny? Call it what you will...
As I kept reading the newspaper I started seeing how many people actually die in a single day... untimely deaths... with dreams unfulfilled, hopes suspended, families shattered, so much left undone... accidents in the city, terror attacks in the valley, bombs in the Middle East, floods elsewhere in the country, earthquakes half way across the world... all resulting in one common tragedy... lives wasted.... and we see it everyday, never noticing it or feeling it.
Wonder how I never saw all this with this kind of realism before, though I read the papers everyday. It was like a moment of clarity. “…..the inspiration that drives you to reconsider your current path”. (I still don't believe in horoscopes)
I realized I had at least one plausible if not feasible answer to my question... Who am I? .... I'm the one that survived, I'm the one still living and breathing, the one who has an opportunity to live my life as well as I can... the one whom destiny didn’t interrupt... hence I'm the one to whom destiny does not exist. At least not the one I don't define... not yet.
It's amazing, the human mind. Sometimes it is like that smart family dog. Some vague answer, like a ball, is thrown near you from somewhere, and your mind fetches it, happy with the result. Just like that dog is happy fetching the ball.
I folded up the depressing newspaper, but I had a new spirit and enthusiasm in me … life is good, why spoil it with grudges and hatred? We don’t know when the walls will come tumbling down… but till then I can keep myself and those who choose to be with me or around me happy.
Who am I? I’m a happy man
“…. reconsider your current path" . Don’t know why I re-read those words. I don't believe in horoscopes
I turned to the main pages of the paper. Bah! As expected: Same news, different people; same stories; different twists, same endings. Why do I even bother reading them? There is a reason ain't there? It’s because we all want to know what happened. But more importantly.. What happened to whom? The people who manage to find themselves in the newspapers have to be somebody, having done something in their lives - good or bad.
With a bored sigh I turned to page 2 & 3... spreading it out like a baby albatross and pored over the writings... that’s when I came across a couple of news clippings that caught my attention.
One was about a 7 year old boy who had died in a wall collapse right next to his home. He was playing with his older brother near a house under construction when the walls came tumbling down (I could hear Def Leppard singing in my mind as I read these words). The poor child was crushed.
Another was about a 4 year old who had fallen into an uncovered borewell in a field where he had wandered off after lunch. After struggling for more than 48 hours, he died alone and scared - 72 feet inside the earth. They brought him out lifeless only to bury him again.
The brush in my mouth stopped moving. My eyes stared for sometime at the words without actually reading them. Cuz my mind had refocused onto something else. An answer. Now, these were not somebody who did something in their lives, cut short so cruelly. They were part of the world yesterday but now they are a piece of news- part of the newspaper archives. Here were 2 lives that were snuffed out before they started to live. Cruel intentions from someplace above? Ill fate? Destiny? Call it what you will...
As I kept reading the newspaper I started seeing how many people actually die in a single day... untimely deaths... with dreams unfulfilled, hopes suspended, families shattered, so much left undone... accidents in the city, terror attacks in the valley, bombs in the Middle East, floods elsewhere in the country, earthquakes half way across the world... all resulting in one common tragedy... lives wasted.... and we see it everyday, never noticing it or feeling it.
Wonder how I never saw all this with this kind of realism before, though I read the papers everyday. It was like a moment of clarity. “…..the inspiration that drives you to reconsider your current path”. (I still don't believe in horoscopes)
I realized I had at least one plausible if not feasible answer to my question... Who am I? .... I'm the one that survived, I'm the one still living and breathing, the one who has an opportunity to live my life as well as I can... the one whom destiny didn’t interrupt... hence I'm the one to whom destiny does not exist. At least not the one I don't define... not yet.
It's amazing, the human mind. Sometimes it is like that smart family dog. Some vague answer, like a ball, is thrown near you from somewhere, and your mind fetches it, happy with the result. Just like that dog is happy fetching the ball.
I folded up the depressing newspaper, but I had a new spirit and enthusiasm in me … life is good, why spoil it with grudges and hatred? We don’t know when the walls will come tumbling down… but till then I can keep myself and those who choose to be with me or around me happy.
Who am I? I’m a happy man
2 comments:
had to be the first didn't i?
like the saying goes, life's good.
deep stuff dude. very u
Well written Vineeth…
The matter has got strength and the way you have portrayed it, adds to the splendor of the thought.
All of us read newspapers and are aware of things happening around like accidents, attacks, natural catastrophe and what not…“ultimately resulting deaths”… but how many of us are sensitive towards it??? We only need some news to tittle-tattle for the day. Day gone…news bygone.
Life is so unpredictable. You never know what it has in store for you.
The very ‘next’ moment can be your ‘last’ moment.
To talk about myself…I live each moment to the fullest cuz that makes me happy.
And if I die tomorrow, I’ll die as a happy and contented person.
We have such a short life, so “why spoil it with grudges and hatred?”
Aptly said Vineeth.
All we need to do is to take our life sincerely and do something substantial so that we don’t regret of
doing nothing after we are gone..
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